I have issues. I am extremely competitive and always bite off more than I can chew.

Now this typically bodes well for me when it comes to working out. I would love to say that I compete with myself, to be a better me and work harder than yesterday, but that would not be true. I do group fitness classes for one main reason - to have others to compete with. “Hey, girl standing in front of me. You think you’re going to do more jumping jacks than me? Think again!” This competitive nature does help get me into shape. It also gets me extreme soreness, muscle strains, and even a few moments of blacking out from exhaustion (never said I was actually in shape, just that I will die trying). And if you’re in my group fitness classes, I’m really sorry. It’s not you. It’s me.

So when Pastor Trevor challenged us to choose one of the fruits of the Spirit and make it our word to focus on for the year, true to form, I picked love. Love encompasses many fruits of the Spirit, so it’s like I’m working on way more than just one fruit. Not to mention the fact that Jesus said the greatest commandment was to love God and love people. Obviously, love is important, so why not just go big or go home? … I have issues.

As embarrassing as it is, that really was a major driving force for me choosing love as my word for the year. But shortly after deciding on this word, I read a book about leading out of the posture of love. The author used a passage out of 1 Corinthians as the backdrop for this book. If you’re familiar with the Bible, in 1 Corinthians 13, Paul explains in detail what love really is. “Love is patient. Love is kind…” and so on (and on and on. It’s a lot of things). As I began to examine myself, I began to see that love is so many things that I am not.

God has entrusted me with people in my life to love. God has entrusted me with a mission - to love Him and love others - to lead people to Him. Jesus said that this is how people will know we are His, by how we love one another. Ouch. If I’m being honest, I have a feeling that the way I "love" people would probably send people hightailing it away from me rather than drawing them near to Him. I get so busy doing my tasks throughout the day and trying to do more jumping jacks than everyone else that I forget the real reason of why I’m here (or by the end of those jumping jacks, I’m too exhausted and out of breath to care). The main focus of my day should be to love God and love people, but that’s just not always the case. In fact, it’s rarely the case for me.

So how in the world am I going to focus on love this year? Great question, and one that I am still trying to figure out. The list Paul outlined in his letter to the Corinthians about love provides a great benchmark to check myself on; however, it can seem long, overwhelming, and, quite frankly, daunting when I try to measure up to it. So for this year, I am focusing on three different passages in Scripture that are a little simpler and easier for me to grasp.

1. John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

At first glance, and honestly at every glance thereafter, this seems a bit dramatic to me. Come on, lay down my life? A bit extreme, isn’t it? Yes. But that’s true love. Jesus gave us the most amazing example of this. He literally laid down His life for each one of us. Did He want to die? No. I don’t believe He did. Luke records Jesus praying, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done" (Luke 22:42). But, Jesus loves us. It’s more than a children’s song in Sunday school. He really does love us. It doesn’t mean He wanted to die, but He wanted to die for us. He would do anything for us. His death and resurrection prove that. Does this mean that I will have to die for someone? Maybe. Maybe not. Considering that we live in a country where we enjoy many freedoms, chances are low. But there are ways throughout my every ordinary day that I can lay down my life for someone else.

My generation tends to be self-focused. Have to have our “me time”. “I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for me” type of attitude. I am no exception. I have fallen into this way of thinking, as well. But Jesus shows us that true love is the opposite of this. Love means recognizing that I am here for someone besides myself. That’s a tough realization for me. Now I’m not saying there isn’t a place for working on yourself, making yourself better, or for rest. But the attitude and motivation behind it should not be one of self-focus.

As a new momma with two under two, I can already tell how easy it is to really love my kids. For some reason, it’s just easier to show true love towards them. Much harder towards everyone else. I’ll lay down my wants and desires all day long for my girls. It’s not always easy, and I am definitely no pro at it. But it’s just easier with them. I’m sure you other moms can relate. There is no love like a momma’s love… But there should be. I can’t have this attitude of love just for my kids. It should be for everyone (my extended family and spouse included). In all I do and for all those in my path, I have to remember it’s not about what I want. It’s about what they need. It’s not about what's easy for me. It’s about what’s best for them.

2. I Corinthians 13:3, “If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

If it can get more challenging than laying down my life for someone, then this is it. It involves more than just doing. It involves being. This is targeting my attitude. I can lay down my life for people all day long, but if it doesn’t come from an attitude of love, then I have nothing. Paul says that even if I give everything I have away and “deliver up my body to be burned”, literally lay down my life, but I don’t do it out of an attitude and motivation of love, then it was all wasted. Yikes!

As I said earlier, loving my kids seems to come naturally to me. Not so much love for everyone else. My husband, for example. I love him. But, unfortunately, there are many many times when I do “loving” things for him, I lay down my desires and wants for him, only because I fully intend to bring it up later if I don’t get the same treatment (Anyone else know what I'm talking about? No? Just me?) Laying down your life for someone doesn’t quite have the same meaning if you do it based on what you can get from them. Jesus laid down His life for us so that we could have life eternal. It was a gift. No strings attached. He didn’t do it with the intention of us paying Him back (thank God, because I would never be able to do that!) He just simply loved us and wanted better for us. But if I am laying down my life so I can throw it in someone’s face later, use it to get something I want, or do it simply for recognition… well, that’s not love.

3. I John 4:16, “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”

The first two things I have mentioned so far cannot and will not happen without this third one. If I want to love God and love people with real, true love, I have to spend time with the One who created it. Throughout the Scripture and historical accounts of Jesus, we see time and again evidence of God’s love for us. But even more than that, God IS love. It’s not just something He does (although He does it well). It’s something He is. If I want to focus on love this year, that means that I have to focus on God.

I work at a church. A lot of the things I do throughout the day are “for God”, but I’m not necessarily spending a lot of time with Him. Definitely not proud of this, but it’s the truth. I get busy checking off my to-do list, and trying to be a wife and mom, and I forget to spend time with the God who gave it all to me. Love comes from an outflow of living with and knowing God. Not just knowing of Him and doing His work.

Have you ever noticed that the more time you spend with someone, the more you begin to act like them? I’m not sure how it happens, but subconsciously, when I’m around people for long periods of time, I begin to pick up their mannerisms, their accents (man, I wish I had more British friends), and I even become more interested in the things they’re interested in. Over the course of my marriage, I have seen this truth in action. I have adopted some of my husband’s views and habits. My husband is a health nut. He is very disciplined and very big on eating healthy and being fit. I am not that way. Until I got married, fast food and/or candy was my every meal. No joke. Cheeseburger and large order of fries? Yes, please. Supersize it! (I’ll just do more jumping jacks later) Now, I’m still that way quite often. But over the years, I have actually adopted his interest in working out and being healthy. I even enjoy healthy foods every now and then!

This is what happens when you spend more time with someone. And this is what I want with God. I want to adopt His mannerisms, His habits, His interests. I want to love as He loves. So this year, I am choosing to spend quality time with Him. Not to just be busy doing His work, but to be fierce in my pursuit of Him. Through reading His Word, prayer, and simply being with Him, I will begin to imitate Him, to imitate His love. By choosing Him, I am choosing love.

Am I going to fail at this throughout the year? Absolutely.

Am I going to get busy trying to compete with people and forget to love them? Absolutely.

Am I going to pass out from exhaustion after trying to do more jumping jacks than everyone around me? Absolutely.

Am I going to let these things keep me from pursuing love and choosing it? Absolutely not.

The one thing I am certain of is that if I do nothing else this year, nothing, besides love God and love people, then it will have been a year well lived.

This year, I choose love.